Well I’m already bored.
Its Saturday night, I’m in my daytime pjs and I’m bored.
Netflix has nothing. Amazon Prime has nothing. Hubby has still been able to find football to watch.
And I’m bored
Did i mention i'm bored?
Now don’t get me wrong, up until a few weeks ago this was my ideal Saturday night. Football on. giving me an excuse to go and lie on the bed with the cats and watch the most ridiculously romantic movie (possibly even a Christmas movie).
But not now.
I am not on lockdown or enforced self-isolation. Nor do I have a temperature, regardless of what Mother Nature keeps trying to do nor a cough, but apparently because of the number of operations I have had, my immunity is still somewhat compromised which I was surprised about as I didn’t have chemotherapy this time.
I have also read that loss of smell and taste are also symptoms that require self-isolation. Wine must be checked for taste at regular intervals.
Again, a few weeks ago I would not have cared.
Today I am pissed off and, in case I hadn’t mentioned it before, bored.
This was supposed to be the year of getting back to normal.
Losing weight, going on girls’ holidays in a bikini a size or two smaller than last year.
Having a holiday with my husband, alone, without a teenager thanks to a very generous and kind friend.
Going to visit said friend who lives nowhere near me.
But no. And I am not an idiot.
I totally get why and support why, but I do not have to like it.
And I will do all I can to get to the other side as quickly as possible.
Out out not just out
Tonight, I do not want to be here.
I want to be out out.
In a bar, going to a club (er… do they still exist???).
I want to be wearing jeans instead of pjs or joggers, jeans that are so long I have to wear high heels that also perform the amazing duty of pushing my bum up making my legs look even longer and my bum smaller, thanks to some sort of magic material that quite frankly all clothing should be made from.
I want to be wearing a velvet bustier top like I used to when I was in my 30s, one that is so tight my boobs almost pop out of them.
Well, one of them would.
I want to wash my hair and actually feel motivated to use product and this thing called a hair dryer. And then…….. tongs!!!!!!
Yes, you saw it here. Tongs.
Creating either my Charlies Angels flick or my Wonder Woman Wave. I don’t mind which and its best not to decide until you get to the result..
I want to do my eye makeup so I look like one of those models on Facebook rather than my current bloodshot one.
Definitely I want to drink gin. Oh, wait I can still do that…
I know others are feeling the same. Perhaps not about the eye makeup, but the whole “now that I can’t do it, I want to” mentality.
So much has changed
It’s hard and feels so selfish to feel this way when others are potentially risking their lives.
I know that, I am aware of that, and I have the utmost respect and gratitude for all our key workers.
But there are also numpties (a word I heard the other week on an episode of Magnum – I watch it for the scenery – and thought, yes, perfect) continually slagging off other people on Facebook for daring to have an opinion or ask a question, unable to let any post go by without comment.
And as for Boris, well, I didn’t vote for him but I might now.
My lymphoedema appointment has already been cancelled, the clinic shut for “non urgent cases” for a minimum of 3 months.
I haven’t been able to see my oncologist yet. I’m undecided whether or not to worry about that.
Currently I’m more worried about our lack of tonic in this house.
But what happens if I have an actual need? I can only get my aromatese inhibitors on a two-month rolling prescription. I’m not sure what they think I would do if I have more – block more hormones??
My ad hoc visits to the office before going back to work are off, as no one is there since everyone is now working from home.
I don’t even know if I will get to go to the occupation health appointment at the end of April.
please not zombies
It feels so unreal, like a dream/nightmare, a sci fi movie, although probably a B movie to be honest.
Sometimes, it feels like we should actually be fighting something “more” not a coronavirus.
Yes, I know people have died and people will die, but its not Resident Evil or the Walking Dead, or my favourite real life documentary, Shaun of the Dead.
I have this recurring thought, a feeling.
As if I am waiting for someone to announce this was man made, some type of terror attack and for some small backwater company to announce they have the cure, but it will cost £70 billion each.
But those thoughts are interspersed with panic of “is there enough alcohol to get through school closures?”
It’s a day by day scenario for everything, for everybody.
Hubby is definitely feeling the strain. Woe betide anyone who steals anything out of his trolley.
Be Kind
So, let’s go back to February, not necessary to the month itself, but to the sentiment.
Be Kind.
That’s what it was all about then.
And I don’t see why it should be any different now.
This is not the end of the world, notwithstanding this being the last season of Hawaii 5 0.
We will get through this. But how scathed we are at the end, depends on everyone.
Let’s be sensible, supportive, kind, caring, humorous, uplifting, and the best humans we can be.
Which is why I am not going out in jeans and a bustier top.
Okay this not the only reason but we don’t have to go there.
I may, however, use product on my hair tomorrow since it is Mother’s Day.
And I am bound to get thoroughly spoiled. By my cats, from whom I am have bought myself many gifts.
So please take care and be safe.
