Ring that bell?
The lady before me appointment wise celebrated her last session today by ringing the bell.
Obviously a fairly new tradition although have known it happen on the other side of the pond after the last chemo session. I certainly didn’t ring any bells last time round. I have mixed feelings about it. It obviously signifies the end of active treatment, and gives hope to others who hear the bell, but it also brings uncertainty. It’s great to finish and begin the next stage of your life, but what if you have no idea what that brings? After the rigorous routine of treatment, you cannot help but be changed both physically and mentally. You may not be able to do what you did before Cancer: you may not want to. There may not have any choice.
Life after cancer treatment
But life after cancer is a completely new journey. One filled with so many emotions: happiness, uncertainty, fear, loss, grief, excitement. Ringing the bell means that this new journey is about to start. Some may simply not be ready. Am I?
Whilst you’re having treatment you are looked after by your medical team. Your surgeon, your oncologist, the chemo and radiotherapy nurses, breast care nurse, Macmillan nurse.
Once your treatment is finished, you are thrown back into real world to fend for yourself. Given an appointment for 6 months later or possibly longer when really you want to have an ultrasound at least every month just to reassure you that it’s gone and not coming back, perhaps the odd CT scan for good measure. Every little pain, ache, lump and bump you want to run to the GP. At least mid treatment you get asked how you are all the time, any concern taken seriously and dealt with quickly.
What happens now?
But once that bell rings you are in your own. Scrambling through the darkness, no one holding your hand. Lost. Your team having already moved on to someone else who has actually got cancer rather than just had cancer. No one cares anymore. Or at least it can feel that way. So who is looking after me now, who will answer my questions? I really don’t want to have to go back to Google.
Yes having cancer once definitely makes you paranoid. Twice? Well, we shall see.
