It has become apparent that one of the most common symptoms of anxiety is the good old panic attack, where brown paper bags come into their own.
That moment when your heart starts racing as if Chris Hemsworth has actually spoken to you, you feel faint and have trouble breathing or can’t catch your breath at all.
Sounds familiar?
Well for me this wasn’t. Sure enough, I had the heart palpitations but nothing else. No Chris, no paper bag. But my medical team said it was stress, anxiety, overwhelm. I countered this with the fact that I hadn’t been doing anything stressful at the time, but was told sometimes the response is delayed.
I assumed they knew best and carried on. Until one day, I had a heart rate of 198bpm for nearly 23 years. Worse yet, I had been asleep at the time.
After consulting my medical assistant, Dr Google, I decided that enough was enough. I had an ECG and of course, it was completely normal. See. Stress. Anxiety. Go away crazy person.
Trouble is that I didn’t feel like a crazy person. I had no problem breathing. Yes, I felt a bit faint but then my heart was racing far faster than I had ever done.
But it didn’t happen too often so I let it go.
Had enough now thanks....
Until 11 hours of 204bpm. Midway through my nana nap after a roast dinner.
By this time, I think even my GP had had enough, so another ECG was performed along with a referral to a cardiologist.
Now I appreciate that my heart was racing and that was concerning, but somehow, having to see a cardiologist made it even more scary. Shit. It was my heart. That thing I need to stay alive. Its quite important.
It also made it more real. When being fobbed off with being “She who panics”, whilst it was annoying, I could accept that it was just that. A panic. But apparently, because the panic came after the racing heart, if at all, then it probably wasn’t.
So off I go. I had an ultrasound of my heart. Obviously whilst making jovial quips about actually having one (ho ho ho) and trying to actually see the screen, I was told that my heart was healthy. That is good news.
Something extra
So, what’s making it play up? An extra pathway I was told. Probably.
Eh? There were diagrams involved but apparently, I might have a second pathway that keeps short circuiting causing the palpitations. Of course, I do. But he wasn’t sure. He suggested I buy a Kardia device so that I could monitor my heart should I have another episode.
It’s a tiny little thing, half the size of a credit card. Yet produces these awesome reports that can actually be used by doctors!! Of course, I bought one. I also got referred to a second cardiologist.
More diagrams. He was even more sure I had this pathway. SVT it is, Supra Ventricular Tachycardia.
Had to be super at something.
But he wanted more evidence. At this point, I was having an episode maybe once every 3 or 4 months, so I had no idea how long I would have to wait to find out definitively.
24 hours apparently. The next night, there it was. I could feel it. There is no progression, it is just there. The feeling that your heart is being ripped from your chest by an invisible entity. I tried all the things that were suggested, holding my nose as if on an airplane, a few other things. None of them worked.
But I had my pretty kardiagram! Sent it off and the next day, there it was. Definitely SVT.
Thank Christ. I was not going mad. I actually had something with a name. Something that could be fixed. It could be fixed right?
Oh yes, with some sort of catheter from the groin. Ouch.
Off to see the wizard....
So, one cold February morning, I found myself on the way to London. It was strange. No one around because of lockdown. I didn’t have to wait long for the procedure once we arrived. I was given drugs. It was like anaesthesia but I was awake. But there was no pain. It was amazing. I’m pretty sure I talked a load of crap. I kept trying to see what the monitor said, work out what all the numbers meant. Wondered why there was so many people in the theatre. The anaesthetist stroked my hair a lot to keep me calm. This should be a requirement going forward.
The procedure went okay. Cauterised a pathway (burn baby burn) but, as I should have expected given that it is my heart, there were some complications. My heart kept going into atrial fibrillation when they tried to do further work, creating chaos. So, it was left as was.
Beta blockers. Id heard of them but never understood what they were. I do now. Because I now have these added to my daily list of drugs. Keep my heart from going off on a tangent, especially as I was due to have a further op on my shoulder in a week or so. They would slow my heart down. And boy did they. I genuinely didn’t expect to feel it so obviously. It was actually horrible. I felt as if I couldn’t catch my breath. It was how I imagined a panic attack to be! Thankfully it calmed down after a few weeks so I don’t get that feeling much anymore.
So whats next??
It does feel that there is always something. If it is not cancer or related to cancer, then it is something. Like an ongoing right of passage. I’ve really had enough of it now.
I yearn for the days when I just had to worry about catching a cold.
But at least, it has been confirmed medically that I do have a heart.
