Hands up who wants chemo??
Noone? Now there’s a shock.
Chemotherapy. A word that can make even the hardest, strongest action figure shake in their boots.
After all, who would willingly put poison into their bodies? No one with any sense.
Unless, of course, it could just potentially save your life.
To be honest, even then, you wouldn’t be criticised for thinking twice.
My First Time (Not that First time)
I had chemo back in 2004, when I was diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer the first time. On that occasion, I had chemo first, in order to shrink the tumour so that I could have a lumpectomy rather than a mastectomy. I think. It’s all a bit of a blur, but the shrinking thing is correct: it went from 2.8cm to 1.4cm at surgery, so it did its job.
What else did it do, though?
Well, I can only comment from personal experience, an experience so traumatic that I was actually diagnosed with PTSD back in 2021.
Top Side Effects (or not)
First, and in no particular order, there was the smell. The chemo I had at the time was called 5-fluorouracil, epirubicin, and cyclophosphamide or FEC as its known to its enemies. I will never forget the cover over the drip: Caution: Flammable – Do Not Expose to Sunlight. Fabulous. There was no smell whilst the chemo was entering my system, but over the next few days, after each session, this smell came from my body. Not unpleasant, a bit of a mixture of honey, almonds, and something else. Unfortunately, after 6 sessions, I hated this smell so much that whenever I smell it again (there are several hand soaps that smell the same), I feel physically sick.
Sickness and nausea were constant companions, despite various anti-sickness drugs, some of which worked better than others. Some days, I just wanted to stick my fingers down my throat and bring up the whole of my insides just to make it stop. Most of the time, I hadn’t even eaten anything, which made the process even worse.
Then there are diarrhoea and constipation. The terrible twins. Alternating at a pace I couldn’t keep up with and introducing me to the delights of suppositories.
Fatigue was a big one for me. I had my cycles 3 weekly, so the first week was hell, the second week was a sale in Primark, and the third week was my “good” week: the week where I tried to do anything nice or, well, normal really. I thought I knew what tired was, but fatigue is a different beast altogether. Everything hurt, everything ached, everything just needed to rest. But unfortunately, that only lasted for the first 3 sessions. By session 4, my good week started to diminish, and by session 5 I was barely out of my bed.
And of course, let’s not forget the hair. Knowing you are going to lose your hair and losing it couldn’t be further apart, if you tried. And it’s not just having your hair fall out, it’s the fact that it falls out in clumps, just by touching your head, or waking it up with it all on your pillow. And that’s without trying to comb it or wash it – yes, you guessed it, handfuls of hair. Nothing really prepares you for the trauma that this can cause.
Here we go again, again (with some changes)
So, you can imagine how overjoyed I am to go through all this again.
Actually, it will be slightly different. Based on my particular histology, I should be having three sessions of EC (epirubicin and cyclophosphamide) and 3 Paclitaxel. However, because I had FEC previously (the EC part being the same), I can’t have it again, as it would seriously compromise my body for life. I am, therefore, going to have between 4 and 6 Paclitaxel (Taxol), depending on how I tolerate it. Tolerate. Another dread-filled word.
I’ll be experiencing some new side effects too..I can look forward to nails falling off for a start. Another few new ones are muscle and bone aches, sore mouth and throat, peripheral neuropathy – tingling in hands and feet that may never go away, along with tiredness, sickness, diarrhoea and not forgetting hair loss.
I am going to try the cold cap just because. It kind of worked last time even though I screamed hysterically on my last session for it to be removed. I don’t really want to be bald so I’m going to give it a go. If it doesn’t work or if it is just one thing too much, then there are wigs. And plenty of them.
My chemo planning meeting is next week so I will be starting shortly thereafter. Unfortunately chemo is so “popular” that there is so room for any companion so ill be experiencing it alone, albeit in a room full of other patients. But its only a few hours and then ill be home. And then we wait for the side effects to kick in.
Watch this space!
